Super upset that I couldn't make it to my best friend's first show that she ever booked. Super upset. I really wish I was there. I loves her a lot. She's my dream boyfriend, if she were a guy. HAHA! I'm going to get to see her tomorrow! I'm so excited to have her be there for my tattoo!!! I loves Cassondra muchly! According to someone, we're like Thelma and Louise... Funny.
♥
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Smile Like You Mean It
My selfish attitudes toward life sicken me. Consumerism and my own problems control my being. How can I think only of myself when millions are suffering all around the world? How can I feel as though the world is falling apart around me when it isn't? My world is wonderful. I feel so fortunate to have friends and family who love me and care about me. What more could I want in this world? Well, I know what I want, but it's selfish and unfair. It's unfair for me to impose my feelings and beliefs on others. It's selfish to want unnecessary products to make me happier. It will never make me happier.
Life is shit. Life is hell. But, my life is less shitty and less hellish than others. I should be happy to have the problems faced before me because it could be worse. I could have no food to appease my hunger. I could have no roof over my bare head. I could have no water to quench my thirst. My friends and family could be non-existent. I could have nothing like this. I am so fortunate.
So, for the first time in a long time, because of this realization, I'm going to smile like I mean it.
Life is shit. Life is hell. But, my life is less shitty and less hellish than others. I should be happy to have the problems faced before me because it could be worse. I could have no food to appease my hunger. I could have no roof over my bare head. I could have no water to quench my thirst. My friends and family could be non-existent. I could have nothing like this. I am so fortunate.
So, for the first time in a long time, because of this realization, I'm going to smile like I mean it.
New Tattoo This Weekend.
In yo face, foo!
I'm gonna get a skull and crossbones inspired tattoo on my ankle.
It's going to have a cupcake with a frosting spatula and rolling pin crossed underneath it next to my "bake or die" tattoo...
I can't wait!
It's gonna be expensive, but worth it.
FUUUUUUCK YES!
I'm gonna get a skull and crossbones inspired tattoo on my ankle.
It's going to have a cupcake with a frosting spatula and rolling pin crossed underneath it next to my "bake or die" tattoo...
I can't wait!
It's gonna be expensive, but worth it.
FUUUUUUCK YES!
Bands that piss me off...
...But, I still listen to.
There are only one or two of these at the moment.
Resist And Exist used to be on this list, but I think I got tired of all the Anarcho-bullshit genre. I find that band hypocritical and fucked up. I am still in great shock that they continue to associate themselves with (in)famous gang members.
Onto the list:
There are only one or two of these at the moment.
Resist And Exist used to be on this list, but I think I got tired of all the Anarcho-bullshit genre. I find that band hypocritical and fucked up. I am still in great shock that they continue to associate themselves with (in)famous gang members.
Onto the list:
- Anal Cunt - If you know me, then you should be very surprised by this. Musically speaking this band is fucking sick. Just take a look at their lyrics and prepare to be offended. Just look up any Anal Cunt song. It's pretty fucked. I think I have gone beyond being shocked by stupid bullshit. I know plenty of people who listen to Anal Cunt and I don't see them being homophobic, sexist, anti-semitic, or racist. I think that the only reason this band is around, is because of the shock and the obvious 'fuck you' that they blatanly shout is people's faces. It's fucked up, but really good!
- C.U.N.T. - This band is a self-proclaimed pornogrind band with extremely sexist lyrics. It's not with the disgusting vocals that make me want to physically vomit, it's more of a band with regular grind lyrics with shitty topics about eating out girls that are on their periods and how this one girl is a cunt. I really want to see them tonight in SJ, but I don't know if I can. I want to see if this band can live up to my expectations.
In yo face, foo!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
write up of observations while drinking bitch drinks.
Jealousy is a dangerous thing. I have been very observant in how couples react with eachother and with people around them. The males seem to have a very controlling attitude toward the relationships and women feel the need to assert that they are to be considered the most beautiful to their partner. The women want to put blinders on their men so they have tunnel vision and all they see is she. The men want to put women on leashes so that they can never stray too far to talk to another potential mate.
Of course this is all generalizing. This is never going to be the case with every couple, but I have noticed the above attitudes frequent my friends' relationships and I can't talk from experience, because my love life is at nothing and has been for quite some time now.
Anyway, I find that observation rather strange. I saw it at Burnt Ramen when a friend of mine was walking around talking to all her guy friends because she hadn't seen them in a long time. Her boyfriend would walk up to her when she was having a conversation with her friends and put a protective arm around her, almost marking his territory. It was rather strange and quite animalistic.
Yet, there are paradoxes in these actions. I have met several couples where there is one person who cheats. They will claim to love their partner, but the attraction to others is too compelling to ignore or they get their sexual satisfaction from the other person. It's odd because they will feel jealousy toward others that they see their partner talking to. It's really odd. I have seen it in high school and outside of high school.
Again, not everyone is like that. I have seen couples that have never cheated on eachother. It's quite odd as well. I guess their love for one another is stronger than their animalistic desires.
I find it really funny that sex is such a big part of everyone's life. Love and sex. They are both separate and intertwined.
You can love someone deeply and never have sex with him or her. It's possible and I've seen it happen before.
You can have sex with someone and never fall in love with him or her. I've seen it happen before.
You can have sex with someone and remain friends. You know, a ‘friends with benefits’ thing. They maintain friendly feelings toward one another with no commitment; also known as ‘fuck buddies’. However, that can end up either well or really nasty or both. I've seen it before.
You can start off not loving the person that you're having sex with and end up loving them in the end.
You can love the person and decide to remain abstinent until your wedding night to consummate your love for one another. It is rare, but I know of a few people who have done that.
I find it funny. Relationships, I mean. They are so sociologically interesting. I have never studied people's relationships with one another. I just observe. Purely non-fact based observations. It would be interesting to do a paper on this subject though. I find the matters of relationships so interesting because they are not as simple as I have laid it out right now. They are so complicated and difficult. There are matters of public perceptions, economic stability or lack there of, fidelity, commitment, love for another, monogamy, polygamy, etc. It is so wonderfully abstruse.
Personally, relationships scare me. Too much trust in one person frightens me beyond no end. But, then again, who am I to talk about relationships when I had but one and it was shit anyway? Observations are my only basis for the formation of my opinions.
I think this enough for my Thanksgiving post. It has nothing to do with Thanksgiving. It was inspired by my mother and step-dad's relationship. It's funny.... And cute.
I want another bitch drink (mimosa).
♥
Of course this is all generalizing. This is never going to be the case with every couple, but I have noticed the above attitudes frequent my friends' relationships and I can't talk from experience, because my love life is at nothing and has been for quite some time now.
Anyway, I find that observation rather strange. I saw it at Burnt Ramen when a friend of mine was walking around talking to all her guy friends because she hadn't seen them in a long time. Her boyfriend would walk up to her when she was having a conversation with her friends and put a protective arm around her, almost marking his territory. It was rather strange and quite animalistic.
Yet, there are paradoxes in these actions. I have met several couples where there is one person who cheats. They will claim to love their partner, but the attraction to others is too compelling to ignore or they get their sexual satisfaction from the other person. It's odd because they will feel jealousy toward others that they see their partner talking to. It's really odd. I have seen it in high school and outside of high school.
Again, not everyone is like that. I have seen couples that have never cheated on eachother. It's quite odd as well. I guess their love for one another is stronger than their animalistic desires.
I find it really funny that sex is such a big part of everyone's life. Love and sex. They are both separate and intertwined.
You can love someone deeply and never have sex with him or her. It's possible and I've seen it happen before.
You can have sex with someone and never fall in love with him or her. I've seen it happen before.
You can have sex with someone and remain friends. You know, a ‘friends with benefits’ thing. They maintain friendly feelings toward one another with no commitment; also known as ‘fuck buddies’. However, that can end up either well or really nasty or both. I've seen it before.
You can start off not loving the person that you're having sex with and end up loving them in the end.
You can love the person and decide to remain abstinent until your wedding night to consummate your love for one another. It is rare, but I know of a few people who have done that.
I find it funny. Relationships, I mean. They are so sociologically interesting. I have never studied people's relationships with one another. I just observe. Purely non-fact based observations. It would be interesting to do a paper on this subject though. I find the matters of relationships so interesting because they are not as simple as I have laid it out right now. They are so complicated and difficult. There are matters of public perceptions, economic stability or lack there of, fidelity, commitment, love for another, monogamy, polygamy, etc. It is so wonderfully abstruse.
Personally, relationships scare me. Too much trust in one person frightens me beyond no end. But, then again, who am I to talk about relationships when I had but one and it was shit anyway? Observations are my only basis for the formation of my opinions.
I think this enough for my Thanksgiving post. It has nothing to do with Thanksgiving. It was inspired by my mother and step-dad's relationship. It's funny.... And cute.
I want another bitch drink (mimosa).
♥
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I dreamt of...
I dreamt of humans being impaled. It was brutal.
Then I woke up.
I dreamt of my seat belt being unfastened while driving down an empty freeway and a man looking straight into my eyes as he was driving. It was frightening.
Then I woke up.
I slept with blackness before me. It was finally peaceful.
Then I woke up.
My dreams scare me. I love them.
Then I woke up.
I dreamt of my seat belt being unfastened while driving down an empty freeway and a man looking straight into my eyes as he was driving. It was frightening.
Then I woke up.
I slept with blackness before me. It was finally peaceful.
Then I woke up.
My dreams scare me. I love them.
Stress Builds Character by Dystopia
I am so tired,
Sometimes I feel so tired,
I can't eat I can't sleep.
So tired.
The pressure builds and builds.
Seems like theres no release.
The things I see go unnoticed by some.
Fills my eyes and heart.
Anger and guilt and frustration,
And depression makes waking up every day harder and harder.
Where's my fitness to the world with my chance to survive.
I got to get money so I can have a home.
So I can breathe, eat and live in this society.
I don't even like money,
And I got to work everyday just to feed myself.
God it makes me sick.
I just wanna curl up into a hole and die in this.
This isn't worth it.
I need a raise man!
I can't survive on this faith anymore.
I can't live on this,
I'm hungry,
And I've had service,
And I can't eat daddy.
God I am the creator of hell.
And I have seen all hell,
And I have seen no arms, no limbs no brains.
You don't care, you don't love me!
I only love myself.
No one will love me like I love me.
Life's been swell now I want to die
My body it hurts me sigh after sigh
I call it torture you call it life
A slave to money and everything I despise
Like everyone in general
Fuck eat sleep destroy
(....what goes here???...)
i am a disposable being
Who will fuck all life
I multiply and the air gets thinner and dirty
I take up space
I smell
I consume
But I produce nothing
I abuse
I have no reason to exist
The toilets clogged in this world o shit
I breathe filth everyday
Living fucks up my brian
Why? Why must I wake up today?
My eys are heavy
Why? Why must I see your face?
Your life is ugly
Why? Why did I buy into these things?
I don't want them
Tension. Tension
Frustraton. Alone
Tension. Despair. Tension
All these pressures on my life
Probably one of the best songs ever.
I love Dystopia and I love this song.
I fucking love this shit.
Ehm...
Yeah...
Listen to it, foo!
Sometimes I feel so tired,
I can't eat I can't sleep.
So tired.
The pressure builds and builds.
Seems like theres no release.
The things I see go unnoticed by some.
Fills my eyes and heart.
Anger and guilt and frustration,
And depression makes waking up every day harder and harder.
Where's my fitness to the world with my chance to survive.
I got to get money so I can have a home.
So I can breathe, eat and live in this society.
I don't even like money,
And I got to work everyday just to feed myself.
God it makes me sick.
I just wanna curl up into a hole and die in this.
This isn't worth it.
I need a raise man!
I can't survive on this faith anymore.
I can't live on this,
I'm hungry,
And I've had service,
And I can't eat daddy.
God I am the creator of hell.
And I have seen all hell,
And I have seen no arms, no limbs no brains.
You don't care, you don't love me!
I only love myself.
No one will love me like I love me.
Life's been swell now I want to die
My body it hurts me sigh after sigh
I call it torture you call it life
A slave to money and everything I despise
Like everyone in general
Fuck eat sleep destroy
(....what goes here???...)
i am a disposable being
Who will fuck all life
I multiply and the air gets thinner and dirty
I take up space
I smell
I consume
But I produce nothing
I abuse
I have no reason to exist
The toilets clogged in this world o shit
I breathe filth everyday
Living fucks up my brian
Why? Why must I wake up today?
My eys are heavy
Why? Why must I see your face?
Your life is ugly
Why? Why did I buy into these things?
I don't want them
Tension. Tension
Frustraton. Alone
Tension. Despair. Tension
All these pressures on my life
Probably one of the best songs ever.
I love Dystopia and I love this song.
I fucking love this shit.
Ehm...
Yeah...
Listen to it, foo!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
To get over it.
To get over it, you gotta realize that it was never yours and never will be yours.
To get over it, you gotta learn that the past is the past. You gotta move on.
To get over it, you gotta think over probably not seeing it for awhile.
To get over it, you gotta stop thinking the way you did in the past.
Too bad I never follow my own advice.
I want to get over it.
To get over it, you gotta learn that the past is the past. You gotta move on.
To get over it, you gotta think over probably not seeing it for awhile.
To get over it, you gotta stop thinking the way you did in the past.
Too bad I never follow my own advice.
I want to get over it.
My dream...
...was so fucked up last night. I dreamed about being in a school/airport thing. It was really weird. I can't remember a lot of it, but I do remember that I had to change into another outfit because I was going somewhere special. My father and sister were there. We started looking for a bathroom for me to go and change in. All of them were full or nasty looking. Finally, we found one. I went inside and people were cleaning it. It was weird. I went inside a stall. It had a shower in it. I got undressed and I can't remember why I went outside the stall, but I did. I walked out completely naked. Then, I saw people that I knew. It was so embarrassing. They started laughing at me. They started saying really mean things too. It was weird and kinda sad. I don't think I would be that embarrassed if someone saw me naked. Then again there is only one guy that has seen me completely naked so I'm not sure how I would react if someone saw me naked right now. Weird.
On another note, I think either I'm going fucking crazy or I drive other people crazy. Am I neurotic? Maybe. But, nothing that I really write on here about my thoughts and feelings do I really express in reality. It's the fucked part of myself. I don't confront people and I usually want the best for people and when I first meet you, I'm really shy and won't really go up to you. I try to find the best in someone even when they're fucked. They are my curses. Well, I think I just fucked someone up without saying anything out of the ordinary for me. Either I'm really mean or this person's kinda out there. Weird. I think I'm nice when I first meet someone, but I could be wrong...
I'm in a really good mood today. I mean, despite the fact that I had a weird ass dream and so much cleaning to do.
Quote from my past: "I'm not the one for you. I'm not right for you."
Two people have said that to me and oddly enough they are complete opposites of each other, personality-wise at least. Weird. So, if they aren't right for me, then who is?
My curses:
This blog is retarded. I hope I fucking never write a blog like this again.
On another note, I think either I'm going fucking crazy or I drive other people crazy. Am I neurotic? Maybe. But, nothing that I really write on here about my thoughts and feelings do I really express in reality. It's the fucked part of myself. I don't confront people and I usually want the best for people and when I first meet you, I'm really shy and won't really go up to you. I try to find the best in someone even when they're fucked. They are my curses. Well, I think I just fucked someone up without saying anything out of the ordinary for me. Either I'm really mean or this person's kinda out there. Weird. I think I'm nice when I first meet someone, but I could be wrong...
I'm in a really good mood today. I mean, despite the fact that I had a weird ass dream and so much cleaning to do.
Quote from my past: "I'm not the one for you. I'm not right for you."
Two people have said that to me and oddly enough they are complete opposites of each other, personality-wise at least. Weird. So, if they aren't right for me, then who is?
My curses:
- Being young in an old world
- Making people go a little crazy. Not on purpose.
- Letting my emotions control me.
- Not telling people what hurts me.
- Telling people they fucking suck when they really don't.
- Focusing too much on my #2 that I haven't had in a whole entire month.
- Falling for those that I can't have.
- I was too young.
- We were too far from each other.
- He wasn't right for me.
- He didn't want to hurt me.
This blog is retarded. I hope I fucking never write a blog like this again.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I fucking hate...
...goddamn liars!
Or if you're going to fucking lie to me, at least keep it a secret the whole fucking time.
FUCK YOU!
I feel like I'm going to have another fucking nervous breakdown.
I fucking hate you all!
But, who I hate more than the rest of you is me.
FUCK YOU, Alejandra.
Dear Alejandra,
You're a fucking bitch ass motherfucking pussy. I hope you curl up and die. You never fucking say shit to anyone when they walk over you like you're something they can just dispose of anytime. I hate you for that. Look where it got you? Fucking thrown in the trash yet again.
I fucking hate your guts and you deserve this all.
I hope you overdose on something.
Loves,
Alejandra
Or if you're going to fucking lie to me, at least keep it a secret the whole fucking time.
FUCK YOU!
I feel like I'm going to have another fucking nervous breakdown.
I fucking hate you all!
But, who I hate more than the rest of you is me.
FUCK YOU, Alejandra.
Dear Alejandra,
You're a fucking bitch ass motherfucking pussy. I hope you curl up and die. You never fucking say shit to anyone when they walk over you like you're something they can just dispose of anytime. I hate you for that. Look where it got you? Fucking thrown in the trash yet again.
I fucking hate your guts and you deserve this all.
I hope you overdose on something.
Loves,
Alejandra
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Stupid Wishes... Will It Ever Come True?
Dear Blogger,I want to find a nice boy who will hold back my hair when I vomit and kiss me afterward.
I want to find a boy that likes books because I like books too.
I want to find a boy that will be down with the booty calls to him that I like to make.
Crazy, anti-social, fucked up, and/or addicted motherfuckers drive me crazy.
I’m not into boys that are into chastity or babies.
Must enjoy or tolerate grindcore, powerviolence, thrash (not metal), and hardcore at the very least.
I want a boy who won’t mind my shyness when we first hang out. I open up later.
Basically all he has to have is a penis that’s clean, doesn’t mind going to a show with me once in awhile, and he is all right with me.
But, then again, it’s just a wish.
Loves,
Alita de Pollo (Chicken Wing)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I was searching for pictures of nice asses and found this:
Dear Blogger,
The above picture has got to be the best idea for a tattoo that I have seen in about one month. If I had a super hairy bellybutton like that and grew enormous balls to actually get the tattoo, I would. But, I don't have THAT hairy of a bellybutton nor do I have giant balls. So no, I would not get this tattoo. I must say that I do posses something that this person does not and that is better judgment and kinda better taste in cats. Eh... Happens.
Watch this foo regret this in like two days.
Loves,
Alita de pollo
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
She's so pretty!!!!!
And from what I hear, really sweet....
I can't dislike her.
And I can't help feeling guilty.
Eh...
Not fair.
Soooooo....
Who's going to Gilman this Friday????
I can't dislike her.
And I can't help feeling guilty.
Eh...
Not fair.
Soooooo....
Who's going to Gilman this Friday????
Friday, November 14, 2008
Holes in Gums and Staples in Fingers...
Things are going well for me. I'm so happy that I have lots and lots of vicodin in front of me. It's really wonderful actually.... I missed taking painkillers.... YAY! My thumb doesn't hurt and my mouth doesn't either. But, all I want is either a pizza or french fries. I'm hungry for real food.
I love my vicodin! Yummy! Yummy! Things could be going well because of the below picture. Yup! Love you my lovely medicine. You make me so happy!
I love my vicodin! Yummy! Yummy! Things could be going well because of the below picture. Yup! Love you my lovely medicine. You make me so happy!
<3
♥
♥
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Eh.
- Maybe life was supposed to be this hard so that I learned how to deal with seemingly unbearable pain in order to bear that pain and grow stronger.
- I am happy again because I finally was able to admit to something that I never wanted to admit to someone or even myself hence lifting a great burden from my chest.
- I am happy again because the person that I really care about is finally happy after such a long time of being unhappy. This person's well-being and happiness means the world to me.
- I have really horrible luck... The following has happened to me:
- Diagnosed with a disease that when I took my medicine it made my stomach hurt.
- I got really sick. I have been sick three times in the past four months.
- I had the worst hangover in the world a few weekends ago.
- I dropped my really cool cell phone in the toilet causing it to break.
- I bought a $48 new used phone.
- I stapled my finger by accident.
- I lost my glasses.
- I realized that booking is super stressful.
- I have a really interesting private life that is really kind of fucked up, but exciting.
- I lost my $45 BART card.
- I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow.
- I love all my friends with all my heart. You guys are my family.
- I am so happy to be talking to mi Luisito again. He is probably the most important person in my life. His heart is amazing and he makes me so happy. I miss him so much and I love him deeply with all my heart.
- I am now new co-head booker with Jay Unidos at Gilman! In yo face!
Monday, November 10, 2008
HAH!
Well, I realize why I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol for 5 days while taking my medication. It’s because if I do actually consume even the tiniest amount of alcohol, I will start violently vomiting and shitting myself. That would be exciting, wouldn’t it? Who would want to take care of me then??? I doubt you would. I'm glad I didn't take any of the booze offered to me on Saturday night. That would horribly embarrassing. Ew... Oh! And I wouldn't be able to tell everyone that I survived the 1 hour and 54 minute long Corrupted set on Saturday.
Stupid antibiotics. Retarded.
Stupid antibiotics. Retarded.
So, one time I spent an amazing night at this one person's house. I've been missing that kinda interaction... You know, watching movies and saying stupid shit to each other. It was fun.
I am going to post a glossary for the "specialized jargon" that the sub-culture I am studying uses... Stupid English class....
Rather than write a bulletin, I'll write a blog.
So, I stayed up this late because I was updating my "gayspace" and listening to shitty pop-punk, sad/sappy songs, Tom Waits' songs, goth, grindcore, powerviolence, and death metal.
I fucking hate myspace some days. This is the exact day I'm thinking this because I have now stayed up until 1:40am doing nothing but being narcissitic. Fucking retarded. I'm a confessed victim to society's view of my generation being self-indulgent and idiotic. I am MTVs perfect patron. I am now a statistic.
I am a degenerate product of my generation. I consume when I preach non-consumerist attitudes (at lease I man up to it, unlike most people). I am mostly apolitical even though I pride myself on being politically conscientious. I am claim to be a feminist even though I say bitch all the time and think sexist jokes are funny (some people are too PC... Sexist jokes are hilarious). I don't think of myself as a racist, but I do like racist jokes too (I don't give a fuck because I know it's not true). I think mentally disabled people should be treated with respect, but I say "retarded" all the time. Eh... I am a hypocrite, but find me one person in this world that does not contradict what they believe in.
Fuck you if you judge me on this shit. I don't give a fuck.
I used to say I would be vegan forever, but after 2 1/2 years of being vegan, I gave it up for $50 sushi... It was delicious.
I used to say I would be straight edge forever, but after roughly 1 1/2 years of being straight edge, I gave it up for drinking a beer with my dad at a bar in his hometown...
And if Guatemala doesn't count, then I gave up being straight edge for drinking with Carlos and his friends, a few weeks later, at the Extreme Noise Terror show.
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that I suck. I have no will power to stay vegan and no desire to be straight edge anymore.
I do not always stay true to what I believe, but I certainly do not go against it. It's not like me saying sexist jokes means that I believe in that mentality...
Sure, there is the argument that if you continue to say those jokes or say "bitch" or "cunt" all the time that it desensitizes others into believing it's okay to be sexist. That is bullshit. If someone meant that shit, I would be the first person to call them on it.
Anyway, it's not like I drink Coca-Cola everyday or eat at fast food places. Puh-leez.... Even those lame ass "environmentally green" people that spend insane amounts of money on specialty items are more consumer minded than I am. I don't shop for brands. I buy used clothes, band shirts, or wear hand-me-downs. I buy vinyl when I can, but it's not like I am going through EBay everyday and buying $60 test press special edition blah blah blah vinyl. Eh... Whatever.... Point is, it's impossible to be a non-consumer in a capitalist society...
Whatever.... I don't have to defend myself anymore.
The point of this blog was to put myself down for being similar to how girls my age are portrayed as, but as I am writing, I realize that I am not like them. I go to school, swim laps in the pool, go to La Raza Student Organization meetings, go home and either do homework, text, or kick it with Cassondra. On Tuesdays I go to booking. My weekends are filled with work, homework, and spending most of the time by myself during the day and going to shows at night, if I can find a ride.
Yeah, I know. I am super exciting.
Girls my age are portrayed as partiers. I barely party. They are portrayed as slutty. I am hardly slutty (except for my low-cut shirts... I don't give a fuck!). They are portrayed as self-indulgent. I self-indulge a little myself, but who doesn't...
I could go on for longer, but I won't.
I have written and re-written this blog probably 3 times since 1:40am. It is now 2:52am. It's time to sleep...
Loves,
Alejandra
"Todo que amo, amo sin razón."
I fucking hate myspace some days. This is the exact day I'm thinking this because I have now stayed up until 1:40am doing nothing but being narcissitic. Fucking retarded. I'm a confessed victim to society's view of my generation being self-indulgent and idiotic. I am MTVs perfect patron. I am now a statistic.
I am a degenerate product of my generation. I consume when I preach non-consumerist attitudes (at lease I man up to it, unlike most people). I am mostly apolitical even though I pride myself on being politically conscientious. I am claim to be a feminist even though I say bitch all the time and think sexist jokes are funny (some people are too PC... Sexist jokes are hilarious). I don't think of myself as a racist, but I do like racist jokes too (I don't give a fuck because I know it's not true). I think mentally disabled people should be treated with respect, but I say "retarded" all the time. Eh... I am a hypocrite, but find me one person in this world that does not contradict what they believe in.
Fuck you if you judge me on this shit. I don't give a fuck.
I used to say I would be vegan forever, but after 2 1/2 years of being vegan, I gave it up for $50 sushi... It was delicious.
I used to say I would be straight edge forever, but after roughly 1 1/2 years of being straight edge, I gave it up for drinking a beer with my dad at a bar in his hometown...
And if Guatemala doesn't count, then I gave up being straight edge for drinking with Carlos and his friends, a few weeks later, at the Extreme Noise Terror show.
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that I suck. I have no will power to stay vegan and no desire to be straight edge anymore.
I do not always stay true to what I believe, but I certainly do not go against it. It's not like me saying sexist jokes means that I believe in that mentality...
Sure, there is the argument that if you continue to say those jokes or say "bitch" or "cunt" all the time that it desensitizes others into believing it's okay to be sexist. That is bullshit. If someone meant that shit, I would be the first person to call them on it.
Anyway, it's not like I drink Coca-Cola everyday or eat at fast food places. Puh-leez.... Even those lame ass "environmentally green" people that spend insane amounts of money on specialty items are more consumer minded than I am. I don't shop for brands. I buy used clothes, band shirts, or wear hand-me-downs. I buy vinyl when I can, but it's not like I am going through EBay everyday and buying $60 test press special edition blah blah blah vinyl. Eh... Whatever.... Point is, it's impossible to be a non-consumer in a capitalist society...
Whatever.... I don't have to defend myself anymore.
The point of this blog was to put myself down for being similar to how girls my age are portrayed as, but as I am writing, I realize that I am not like them. I go to school, swim laps in the pool, go to La Raza Student Organization meetings, go home and either do homework, text, or kick it with Cassondra. On Tuesdays I go to booking. My weekends are filled with work, homework, and spending most of the time by myself during the day and going to shows at night, if I can find a ride.
Yeah, I know. I am super exciting.
Girls my age are portrayed as partiers. I barely party. They are portrayed as slutty. I am hardly slutty (except for my low-cut shirts... I don't give a fuck!). They are portrayed as self-indulgent. I self-indulge a little myself, but who doesn't...
I could go on for longer, but I won't.
I have written and re-written this blog probably 3 times since 1:40am. It is now 2:52am. It's time to sleep...
Loves,
Alejandra
"Todo que amo, amo sin razón."
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Tattoos..
I got two tattoos on my birthday (October 4, 2008). I kinda want to show them off. They are the only tattoos that I have. I love them a lot. I want more now. The "Bake or Die" one is going to eventually have a cupcake near it and a spoon like the shirt I made.
Here they are!
Ixchel- Mayan Goddess of the Moon, Midwifery, and Floods
Here they are!
Ixchel- Mayan Goddess of the Moon, Midwifery, and Floods
Friday, November 7, 2008
Bands I wish I could see...
- Man is the Bastard
- Dystopia
- No Less
- No Comment
- Spazz
- WxHxN?
- Life's Halt!
- Charles Bronson
- Fuerza X
- Discordance Axis
- Noothgrush
- Los Crudos
- Aus-Rotten
- Sin Dios
- No Mas No
- Sarcasmo
- Tragatelo
- Kontraattaque
- Fuck on the Beach
- Assuck
- Brujeria
- Excruciating Terror
- Napalm Death
- Dropdead
- Totalitar
- Conflict
- Slam Chop
- Abuso Sonoro
- Cripple Bastards
- Slayer
- Om
- Black Flag
- Poison Idea
- Discharge
- Betercore
- Econochrist
- Infest
- Nasum
- Ekkaia
- DS 13
- Pig Destroyer
- Scholastic Deth
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
According to Ms. Doctor...
No alcohol or number 2 for 5-8 days...
Eh...
I wanted to buy some quality beer this weekend.
I was thinking of maybe an oatmeal stout or Newcastle.
I love Newcastle.
Anyway, it won't be that hard.
Number 2 will be easier though.
It requires that someone doesn't bring a special someone to a show, but that someone probably will bring that other someone to the show therefore preventing my chances of getting number 2.
Oh well...
I will wait until later.
Unless this someone decides he wants to remain with the decision and not get me number 2 anymore, because he would rather give it to a more special person to him.
Oh life....
Go to this show on Friday:
Go to this show on Saturday:
Eh...
I wanted to buy some quality beer this weekend.
I was thinking of maybe an oatmeal stout or Newcastle.
I love Newcastle.
Anyway, it won't be that hard.
Number 2 will be easier though.
It requires that someone doesn't bring a special someone to a show, but that someone probably will bring that other someone to the show therefore preventing my chances of getting number 2.
Oh well...
I will wait until later.
Unless this someone decides he wants to remain with the decision and not get me number 2 anymore, because he would rather give it to a more special person to him.
Oh life....
Go to this show on Friday:
Go to this show on Saturday:
BRUTAL!
I really really wish I was at this show. Fuck! Could you imagine?! I can't believe all those bands played together. I love them all! Man is the Bastard is probably my favorite band at the moment. Can't stop listening to them. And motherfucking Excruciating Terror???? I love that band. I love the band because they are grind as fuck! Bloody Phoenix and Endless Demise have members from Excruciating Terror in the bands. That's amazing, huh? I fucking love that shit. Noothgrush!!!! I love that band!!! Here is a video!
Sick shit!!!! I love this! Agents of Satan and F.A.G.G.O.T. were amazing too! Oh man... There is nothing wrong with this show. I wish I was there! I think I was born too late... I missed the 80s hardcore scene, the crust scene, etc. At least I got to see the end of the grind scene... Even though I would have loved to see Discordance Axis and all those amazing bands... Oh well... Man, if I had a list of all the bands that I would kill to see....
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
I love this song. Nick told me to listen to it. I really like it. Kinda reminds me of my life sometimes. Happens... I really do like this song and I don't give a fuck what people say about me.
Fix You by Coldplay
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
"Just what your worth"
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...
Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
Fix You by Coldplay
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
"Just what your worth"
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...
Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Last Night
The Dia de los Muertos show was amazing last night. I saw a lot of friends and a lot of people were really supportive of the bands and me. I had a little drama happen, but that was quickly taken care of. I really loved how people helped out with the show and how people were really supportive of one another. I really loved that people were helpful. I really loved that everyone did their best to help out and I don't know.... I am just so thankful.
A survey is next:
You got laid last night, didn't you?
Nope.
Have you ever had a sleep over with a member of the opposite sex?
A few times.
Relationship status: Single, Taken, Complicated?
Single.
Is your last ex still someone you care about?
...?...
What was going through your mind during your last kiss?
Wondering why I do what I do, but enjoying every second of it.
What's the biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Reality
Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
I hardly ever feel awkward, but there are moments when people do make things awkward.
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Not too long ago.
Who will your next kiss be?
I know exactly who it will be...
Do you believe that you can change for someone?
I could change, but I won't change.
Is there someone you want to keep in your life?
Yes, there are many people I want to keep in my life.
Is there someone you want out of your life for good?
Not really.
How old is your best friend?
18, 19, and 25
Are you happy?
I am happy.
Do you think you can love someone without trusting them?
It happens
Where did you get your last bruise from?
My shoes... Walking.
Have you ever thought you were gonna die?
Many times....
How many TRUE friends do you have that you can tell anything to?
A few...
What's one action you do when you're really nervous?
I play with my earrings or necklaces...
I smoke.
What did you last cry over?
Something stupid... Something I can never have.
Who do you text the most?
Cassondra
Do you mean anything to the last person you held hands with?
I don't think I mean anything to him besides a good fuck. HAHA! Just kidding... We're just good friends.
Where did you go last night?
I went to Gilman.
Are you close with your siblings?
Why not.
Would you rather be the heart broken or the heart breaker?
Neither. It's fucked eiher way.
Have you ever been heart broken?
Yeah, it it sucks hella.
How did you feel when you woke up today?
Really Really Tired.
Have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past week?
Yes, I have.
Do you believe in love?
I do, but at the same time I don't.
Current mood?
Tired
Are you too forgiving?
I am very forgiving.
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
I would love to.
Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
I doubt it. I don't have relationships.
Do you secretly like someone?
If I secretly liked someone, I would be very starry-eyed over them.
Do you think you'll be married in 10 yrs?
I have no idea.
Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?
Last time I told someone that I got attached to them, he told me that we could never be together... So yes, it is hard for me to tell someone I like them because I'm scared of having that happen again.
Ever turned a girl/boy down you shouldn't have?
I don't regret turning anyone down. I don't want to settle and I don't want to lead people on.
Are you open about your feelings or closed off?
Open enough to the people I care about.
Think of the last person you told "I love you" to, did you mean it?
I love my mother with all my life.
Story behind your MySpace song?
I love all the bands on my playlist. Listen to "Anal Mistress" by Assuck!
A survey is next:
You got laid last night
Nope.
Have you ever had a sleep
A few times.
Relat
Single.
Is your last ex still
...?...
What was going
Wondering why I do what I do, but enjoying every second of it.
What'
Reality
Is it easy for other
I hardly ever feel awkward, but there are moments when people do make things awkward.
When was the last time you wante
Not too long ago.
Who will your next kiss be?
I know exactly who it will be...
Do you belie
I could change, but I won't change.
Is there
Yes, there are many people I want to keep in my life.
Is there
Not really.
How old is your best frien
18, 19, and 25
Are you happy
I am happy.
Do you think
It happens
Where
My shoes... Walking.
Have you ever thoug
Many times....
How many TRUE frien
A few...
What'
I play with my earrings or necklaces...
I smoke.
What did you last cry over?
Something stupid... Something I can never have.
Who do you text the most?
Cassondra
Do you mean anyth
I don't think I mean anything to him besides a good fuck. HAHA! Just kidding... We're just good friends.
Where
I went to Gilman.
Are you close
Why not.
Would
Neither. It's fucked eiher way.
Have you ever been heart
Yeah, it it sucks hella.
How did you feel when you woke up today
Really Really Tired.
Have you kisse
Yes, I have.
Do you belie
I do, but at the same time I don't.
Curre
Tired
Are you too forgi
I am very forgiving.
Would
I would love to.
Do you think
I doubt it. I don't have relationships.
Do you secre
If I secretly liked someone, I would be very starry-eyed over them.
Do you think
I have no idea.
Have you ever found
Last time I told someone that I got attached to them, he told me that we could never be together... So yes, it is hard for me to tell someone I like them because I'm scared of having that happen again.
Ever turne
I don't regret turning anyone down. I don't want to settle and I don't want to lead people on.
Are you open about
Open enough to the people I care about.
Think
I love my mother with all my life.
Story
I love all the bands on my playlist. Listen to "Anal Mistress" by Assuck!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
NEVER AGAIN!
My head is pounding and I just ran to the bathroom to vomit some more.
Fuck this shit.
I hate this.
Fuck this shit.
I hate this.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
New Month...
The weather outside is amazing! I am so upset that I have to be indoors for the next four hours of my life at work. I would love to be outside. The weather is amazing. It is nice and warm, but windy and rainy. It is beautiful. It makes me so happy.
I think this month is going to go well for me. My dad is coming back from China next Sunday. I can't wait.
Tomorrow is going to be the first show that I booked of this month. It is one of two shows that I booked:
1)NOVEMBER 2, 2008: Dia de los Muertos themed show with Boom Boom Kid (Argentina, Ex-Fun People), Eskapo (Filipino hardcore from the Bay), Fuga (Punk inspired cumbia, etc), Venganza (Crazy thrash from the home of Disneyland), and Los Fracasos (Skate-core fo sho! From near Watsonville!).
2)NOVEMBER 21, 2008: No theme for this show, but it will be crazy as fuck with bands such as, Mind of Asian (Crazh all-girl badassness from Japan), Voetsek (Estrogen fueled thrash from the Bay), Lack Of Interest (Crazy powerviolence from LA), California Love (Lovely UGZ Speed Trial winners from the Bay Area), and Strains of the Apocalyse (Crazy fast as hell grind as fuck band from the Bay Area!)
FUCK YES! Now go to the shows, foo!
I think this month is going to go well for me. My dad is coming back from China next Sunday. I can't wait.
Tomorrow is going to be the first show that I booked of this month. It is one of two shows that I booked:
1)NOVEMBER 2, 2008: Dia de los Muertos themed show with Boom Boom Kid (Argentina, Ex-Fun People), Eskapo (Filipino hardcore from the Bay), Fuga (Punk inspired cumbia, etc), Venganza (Crazy thrash from the home of Disneyland), and Los Fracasos (Skate-core fo sho! From near Watsonville!).
2)NOVEMBER 21, 2008: No theme for this show, but it will be crazy as fuck with bands such as, Mind of Asian (Crazh all-girl badassness from Japan), Voetsek (Estrogen fueled thrash from the Bay), Lack Of Interest (Crazy powerviolence from LA), California Love (Lovely UGZ Speed Trial winners from the Bay Area), and Strains of the Apocalyse (Crazy fast as hell grind as fuck band from the Bay Area!)
FUCK YES! Now go to the shows, foo!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
