Once

There was once a guy who spent the night at my house. He was sleeping in my bed, so I went to the couch. Since I can't sleep sometimes, I turned on the TV and flipped over to MTV. There were music videos playing. One of the songs had a line that said: "Show me what I'm looking for."

=/

I'm on my way to LA and all that goes through my mind are occurences I would rather forget. Memories flood my mind and I'm stuck seeing and feeling. Remember? The pain was horrendous. I'm glad I'm almost healed.

I don't know how to make anything better anymore. Am I becoming the person I promised myself I wouldn't be? When I feel like everything is going wrong, my defenses go up and I hurt people I care about before they can hurt me.

It's funny how I sink deeper into depression when I feel like I overreact. I hate myself. Are my problems that bad? They aren't. They are nothing compared to the misery in the world. And that.... That makes me feel worthless.

Let's Pretend

Let's pretend that I no longer exist in your universe.
Let's pretend that I disappeared from everything.
Let's pretend that I was no longer here anymore.

What will you do?

I would just live life like nothing ever happened.
I would just forget.

So, i'm waiting in a bookstore until it is time to start an interview! I'm nervous. I really need this job and I hope I get it. I don't like being poor.

Why do we...

Why do we do the things we do now?

Why is it that I continuously make mistakes?

I know very clearly in my mind that I have the will to avoid it. I have the will to say "no." I never say "no" though....

I don't understand how I can't keep my mouth shut about anything.

I hate fighting with friends. I hate it. Especially someone I care so much about.

I just... I just wish he understood me.

Spaghetti Os

Spaghetti Os sound amazng rigt now.


Jya is the best.
Cassndra is the best
Carlos is the best.
Jenny is my peeing buuuuuddy....

FO SHO!

Loves always and forever!!!!!


Imma make some spaghtti os. fucker!

Dude.

I'm gaining more and more weight.

I need to exercise.

Hmmm... I don't like gyms.

No more fast food.
More walking.
More biking.

Yes.

Until The Day I Die.

I will never be free of the torment. I will never be free of the ridiculous thoughts that cross my mind and dirty my soul. I can't move away from what I think of as incredible. I simply dangle it in front of my face, force myself to be in its presence everyday. And I am forced away from what I can't have. Like there is a barrier between me and my tormentor. I will remain this way until the day I die. Then, I will be at peace.
Finally.

Buy Me...

Buy me a bike pump. Mine died and it doesn't fit over the valve. Retarded.
I want to bike today goddammit!

I didn't leave my house today.

I'm too scared to leave and find out the truth.
I'm so scared.

Life was fun...

Life was fun until I fucked everything up.

World Of Shit

Life is shit.
Homes are shit.
Shows are shit.
Homies are shit.
Booking is shit.
Family is shit.
I am shit.
FUCK!

On Thrusday.

Apparently, I am not attractive to many guys.
Some guys said that they could see themselves fucking my friend, but not me.
I was relieved, but then a little offended.
Hahaha!
They said my friend looks like a freak and I don't. ( You know... )
Hmmmm....

Interesting.

I am not sure how to take this information.

My Status

I'm at work. Chilling.
Ceremony is playing tonight and I love them.

I can't wait to see them actually.

So, I've been listening to a lot of Babyland and as of yesterday a lot of Capitalist Casualties because they will be playing soon at Gilman. April, I think. I can't wait!
In yo face, sucka!

Well...

Things have been well. I've been well.
I hate jerks though.
I want pizza too.

I wish I could write.

Mother

My mother was born free
With wind dancing across her body
and sun rays kissing her skin

But her children built concrete jungles
That weigh heavy upon her breast,
Spilled their brothers' and sisters' blood
On her with their never ending wars,
Built roads that bind her body,
And rip into her flesh
In the name of progress

But my mother's heart remains strong
And she weeps for her children
Who abuse her body
And violate her love

My mother was born free
And we, her children,
Enslave her


Ignore my horrible excuse for poetry. It sucks. I wrote this for a poetry class. How exciting. It's Ok. Not great.

Seriously

This weekend was amazing!
I had so much fun with all my friends. Friday night was amazing. I loved the fact that I woke up the next day went outside and saw a bunch of dishes just left out there. That was funny. Anyway, it was a lot of fun to hang out with my homegirls. They are hella chill. I completely just passed out though, woke up in the middle of the night, and left drunk messages to I think about three people. SORRY!

The show was really good on Friday night. I had a lot of fun hanging out with homies and watching some badass bands. Can you believe the lineup!
Zero Boys
Black Fork
ADT
Broken Needle
Crucial Cause

Sick shit!
Anyway, we all had to wake up really early... Hungover and everything. That sucked.

Hmmmm...

Well, Saturday was cool too. I helped a homie with his work and went all the way to Los Gatos to deliver shit. How ridiculous. It was fun though. We talked a lot and watched movies and shit.

Ehmmm... I had the worst insomnia EVER that night though. That sucked.

Let's see... Sunday I was exhausted and it was not as fun.
Breakfast was good though.

Well, that's all.

GREAT WEEKEND!

Please buy me these!

Man is the Bastard

· Sum of the Men LP (vermiform ’91)

· Sum of the Men anthology CD (vermiform)

· Thoughtless LP/CD (gravity) LP picture disc

· D.I.Y.C.D. anthology CD + previously unreleased songs (slap a ham ’95, deep six ‘06)

· Bleeding Rectum/Capitalist Casualties anthology LP (deep six)

· Mancruel CD (deep six) contains 3 previously unreleased Bastard Noise tracks and 1new MITB track

· Abundance of Guns 7” (mitb/s.o.a. ’92) Wood’s version has an extra song – all songs on D.I.Y.C.D.

· Backward Species 7” (ecocentric) on D.I.Y.C.D.

· Our Earth’s Blood part I 7” (vermiform) on Sum of the Men CD

· Uncivilized Live 7” (deep six ’92)

· split LP/CD w/ Mumia Abu-Jamal (alternative tentacles)

· split LP w/ Bleeding Rectum (mitb ’93) remastered on Mancruel CD – also on Sum of the Men CD

· split LP w/ Capitalist Casualties (six weeks ’94) remastered on Mancruel CD

· split LP w/ Bastard Noise (vibrator)

· split 8” w/ Born Against (vermiform) test pressing is 10” vinyl - on Sum of the Men CD

· split 7” w/ Agathocles (pessimiser/theologian ’94)

· split 7” w/ Aunt Mary (mitb ’92, deep six ’96) on D.I.Y.C.D.

· split 7” w/ Bizarre Uproar (mitb ‘93) on D.I.Y.C.D.

· split 7” w/ Crossed Out (slap a ham ’93) on D.I.Y.C.D.

· split 7” w/ Pink Flamingos (farewell ’93) on D.I.Y.C.D.

· split 7” w/ Unseen Noise Death (mitb) on D.I.Y.C.D.

· split 7” w/ Sinking Body (vermiform ’94) on Sum of the Men CD

· v/a 3xCD Old Days Nostalgia (soa) reissue of Abundance of Guns 7”

· v/a CD KXLU vol. 1 (kxlu)

· v/a CD Bottlenekk Fall ’98 Sampler “The Arena” on D.I.Y.C.D.

· v/a CD Under Your Influence (tralla ’00) previously released track: “Man is the Bastard”

· v/a CD The Virus That Would Not Die (alternative tentacles) “Subterfuge” from split LP with Mumia

· v/a LP/CD Reality part 2 (deep six)

· v/a LP/CD Fiesta Comes Alive (slap a ham)

· v/a LP Fear of Smell (vermiform ’93)

· v/a 10” No Desire to Continue Living (re-education/farewell)

· v/a 2x7” Anger and English (framework ’94) on D.I.Y.C.D.

· v/a 2x7” Cry Now Cry Later Vol. 3 (pessimiser/theologian) also on CD collection of Vol. 3 &4

· v/a 2x7” In the Spirit of Total Resistance (profane existence ’92)

· v/a 7” Reality (deep six ’92)

· v/a 7” Reproach (ugly pop)

· v/a 7” Revive us again (machination ’93)

· v/a 7” Son of Bllleeeeaaauuurrrrgghhh! (slap a ham ’92)

· v/a C-90 Ham Slappin’ Hits (slap a ham)

· v/a VHS Revenge of the Disabled Vol. 2 (will o’ the wisp ‘95)

· split LP w/ Bastard Noise – “Muzumuzusuru” recorded live KXLU April 1997 – never released

· split CD w/ Despise You recorded, but without vocals – unreleased

· reissues upcoming on Crucial Blast?

· Sum of the Men CD remastered reissue (deep six) – upcoming

· Collection of previously uncollected songs (deep six) – upcoming

Desperation

I'm desperate.
I'm having the worst time booking shows.
I have to be out of my house by March 15th.
I have someone breathing down my neck right now thinking that I'm in love with him when I'm not. (Really... I mean it. I doubt you read this, but if you are, I'm not. I used to like you an insane amount, but really... I'm really happy that you're in my life and just because I reach out to you like a friend doesn't mean that I want you in any other way. We're homies, ok? Now stop acting dick-ish.)
I'm having friendship issues.
I'm a horrible person.

And despite all the desperation and low self-image of myself, I'm pretty much happy. It's the weirdest feeling in the world. Could you imagine? Me? Happy? How many times has that happened in my life? Not many. I'm not even talking about the short-term, one week happiness. No, I'm talking about the going on three weeks on Tuesday. Crazy, huh?

I think my new tattoo really sums up everything in my life. My heart was and sorta is still breaking. It was breaking for worse things a few months ago, but now it's just breaking for family purposes and other shit... But, the ribbon tying it together is making it whole again. I feel like my life is getting together again. I mean, despite all the shit in the world that happens to me, I'm content. I feel like everything is changing. Time heals everything. Time healed my heart. Time healed it all. Maybe time will heal my desperation.

I hope I get a room!

Gourmet Pez....

In our age this poison is called materialism, bank account full, truly poor, spiritually emaciated, money as a means not an end for you to worship, your whole drive to live, unexamined, always scamming to protect your shit, all you love is sin, always worried how much you can get, this philosophy, always thinking someone is out to steal, abomination's son, all possessions hiding what is real, same with everyone, in truth i must deny, i examine and must ask why, know the truth and it will set you free. follies of the rich fucking the lives of human numbers, possessed by possessing kept by keeping, crushed by your own grasping hand, living non-attached, constant fun, mental children, giving til it hurts is the solution, total peace in this compassion. all your money wwill it buy you love? peace? hope? salvation? i say fuck your money. give us gourmet pez.




Can you find me the rest of lyrics????
I have no Man Is The Bastard lyrics.

Band.

I started a band.
We had three full practices and on the third practice we recorded.
Finally.
Here is the newest band from the Bay!

MRSA!


FUCK YES!

I did amazing things...

Not once! Not twice!
6 Times!

In yo face, sucka!

No one can do it like me!

Valentine's Day Massacre and Drone.

Read this:

http://ear2theground.blogspot.com/2009/02/you-are-sacrifice.html

Valentine's Day is a detestable holiday.

However, I would love it if you bought my broke ass some chocolates!

I am an idiot!

Sorry...

Ack!

Hey.
My dreams are getting weirder.
My life is being consumed with the thought of something.
This something is something that cannot be named at this moment, although most people do partake in this action.
Anyway, this is controlling my very thoughts right now.
I can't function anymore.
It's too much.

I'm Hungry.

To be reminded...

I was horribly sick today. I felt awful with my throat hurting and coughing. It was gross.

However, it gave me time to think. I thought long and hard about everything in my life. I say a lot of stupid and ridiculous things when I am belligerent. I say things that I don't necessarily mean. I thought about the things that I said on Saturday. I thought if I really meant what I said. I thought and I thought and I thought. I realize now that half of what I said was true. The other half wasn't.

I WAS hurt by somebody a while ago, but I've been through too much to dwell on the hurt. I don't like to feel that way. I really don't, so I've made a conscious decision to not wallow in my own depression. I'm not depressed. I'm fine. I just don't like to be reminded about it.

I love remembering my past. It makes me happy to think about it. I wouldn't trade those moments in my life for anything in the world.

100th Post

For my 100th post, I am going to put up a video of one of the best shows that I have ever booked. Nunca Mas (me) and UGZ (Jay Unidos) booked this badass bill with Iron Lung, Extortion, Lack of Interest, In Disgust, Godstomper, California Love and CARvsLOS!!!!!!

Shows Recently.

The shows that I have been going to recently have been amazing! I don't think I've had this much fun in a long ass time. So far everything has been really a lot of fun. The NuncaMas/UGZ collaborations have been going well. There won't be one of those for a long time, if ever again.... Who knows. I think we do a good job.
1979 Productions booked a brutal show last night at Gilman with Bastard Noise!!!!! I got to meet all the guys and everything.... Had a long talk with Eric Wood too... Carlos and I had a talk with Shane from Phobia as well.
Things seem to be going well.
I feel really bad about a friend though. I hope he thinks I'm not taking advantage of him. =( Bums me out.
In other news, my friend England from Eskapo came back from the Philippenes last week and told me all about the Eskapo tour there. Apparently it was a lot of fun and there was a lot of drinking. Ever heard of Happy Horse or Red Horse?????

I wonder...

I wonder what it would be like if she found out what I did...
What would she do?
Would she punch me?
Hmmmm...

Nobody puts Ale in the corner!

Let me find a guy to say that and I will...
...
...
...
Laugh so fucking hard.
Most retarded movie ever.

I'm hungry, sleepy, and bored at work.
Save me from my misery.

Did you know that misery is the river of the world, though? I bet you didn't...

This Sunday!!!

924 Gilman Street -- Intronaut (L.A.), Bastard Noise (L.A.), Thousandswilldie, Skin Horse, Devil's Son In Law a/a $8 4pm/5pm

Do you have any idea how excited I am????
I doubt it...

Regret

I told someone yesterday that I never regret. I said it wasn't because I think that I learn from my mistakes (I usually don't), but because it made me the person I am today. The person sitting in front of this computer typing about my shit (wonderful) life. He asked me if I like where I am today. I stopped and thought. I liked a lot of things in my life, but not enough for me to like my life. I said 'no.' That sucks.

I hope this song will guide you...

Am I retarded? Does shit follow me everywhere?
Why? Why? Why? WHY????
Why me?
What did I do to deserve all this shit on me?
I hate this.
All I want to do is drink and forget.
Why does everyone bring it up?
Why do people bring it up?
Why am I still hung up on how I'm treated when I know he's an asshole?
Why do I allow myself to be this way?
I'm retarded.

Hate me, please.

..I'm hated the most...

Hate me, please.
Please hate me.
It will justify my sadness.
It will justify my wants.
It will justify my hate.

Please. Please. Please.

I deserve amazing...
I never wanted amazing...

Always Remember...

I guess this weekend will be fun. Shit isn't going to go down. I'm positive of that. There is nothing wrong with anything anymore. Everything is going fine. It's nice to be at a happy medium. I don't like anyone and no one likes me. It's better this way because then no one gets fucked in the end. You know? No extremes anymore. How nice.

In other news, I'm addicted to pizza.

Wow...

I cannot believe that my thoughts, my beliefs have pissed off someone so much that they don't want to be my friend. Wow! Who knew that basing my beliefs on historical evidence would get me to be disliked by someone I thought was my friend. Oh well. Guess there is no such thing as the saying, "agree to disagree" in his mind. Retarded.

In other news and shit...

. .
.. ..
... ...
.... ....
..... .....
...... ......
....... .......
...... ......
..... .....
.... ....
... ...
.. ..
. .

I don't know. My life is boring right now. I'm neither heart broken nor depressed nor diseased. Hahahaha.... Ehmmmmm.... I'm turned on by almost anything that moves. Is that weird? Eh... Whatever.

Oh! My band has a name. We're called KURU. We sound crusty. We're like medium speed. I like us. We have a badass name and badass songs. Sounds like a party.

Could've/Would've/Should've

((The realization that things just will not go my way is clear. I'm happy to have realized that. I am sad to admit to it.))

Jeez...

Everything is actually going well. How could this be? I can't wait for all these things to happen. I'm going to have a lot of fun next weekend.
Friday night is Cattle Decapitation!!!!! It's going to be amazing! I'm sure it will. I'm not the biggest fan, but I have a feeling that the show is going to be crazy! Saturday night is Iron Lung/Extortion/Lack of Interest/In Disgust/Godstomper/California Love/CARvsLOS!!!! It's going to be amazing. I cannot wait to see how the show ends up going. I'm sure it will be be amazing. I have a feeling that everything is going to go really well for that show. We are making food for the show, so that shouldn't be that bad. I can't wait actually! =) Sunday, I get to go to a photoshoot. I can't wait! I'm not having pictures taken of me, but my friend is. It's going to be really fun. I can't wait to see how Carlos does with the pictures and I can't wait to see how my friend models!

I think I am really inspired by everyone now. I really want to start collaging again. I really enjoyed doing that and now I have a brand new Exacto-Knife set! =) I'm going to buy a bunch of magazines and art books for the collage. I have so many ideas stuck in my brain. I have ideas for songs and rants and collages and writings. I think it's because I'm not stuck on my own self-pity anymore. HAHAHA! I kinda suck, if you haven't noticed already. It happens when you think too highly of yourself before someone finally checks you and you have to look at yourself for who you really are. Oh well. I'm happy for everyone now and for everything! I lot has changed for me in the last week. It's weird. I guess it's ok.

Loves,
Alejandra

Last Night

Wow, so far this weekend just blows. I'm not stoked at all about anything. I failed a fucking driving test. I got drunk. I loved the bands. I fought with people though. I went home crying on Cassondra and saying sorry to Marcus. Eventful, huh? I barely ever cry, by the way. Let alone in public. Then, at 5am, I had a conversation through text and that sucked too. Saying sorry doesn't fix a lot when you repeat your behavior all the time and treat me like shit. Oh well.

Tonight is the Babyland show. I'm stoked about that one because Absence is playing! Absence is a badass band. They played at the December Bastards show. They're sick. You should go. It's at Gilman tonight.

Heads of meeting today. When will the club treat me like a co-head of booking? Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never. Oh well.

I'm giving up on a lot right now. It's best to leave me be.

I'm trying...

To be your goddamn friend!!!!

I'm not down with this.

From: Fiz
Date: Jan 9, 2009 10:12 AM

Rposted from a repost:
i ripped this off of my friend ben's blog. this is fucked up. just read.

"First night of tour.

(friends please read)

So I am not usually one to post personal shit on myspace but I really wanted to let my friends know about some shit that happened that has been bothering me the past few days.

Our first day of tour we played in Oakland at some warehouse. The show seemed rad enough at first. I was enjoying all the thrashy/punk bands that had played so far. I realized off the bat this wasn't the normal crowd we play to but that was fine with me because I love playing to new people we usually don't play to. Shit started to go downhill once Dogs of Ire started to play. They are friends of our good friends in restrained so i was excited to see them/meet all of them. About two songs into their set, a group of assholes started pelting them with half full beer cans just because they weren't like the rest of the bands on the bill. This continued to happen their whole set but they stuck it out and played on. We were up next and I was expecting about the same reaction but i wasn't too concerned. Two songs into our set, I was explaining on of our songs and I started talking about how in Richmond, only miles away from the venue, a woman was gang raped by four men purely based on the fact that she was a lesbian. While I was talking about this, we started getting showered with beer cans and people yelling "shut up faggots" and other things along those lines. I was blown away that even though we weren't these guys usual type of band, they felt they need to start giving us shit the instant i started talking about a women being gang raped. The whole rest of our set we were pelted with half full beer cans, cushions, beer boxes, etc... After we were done, we started to load up and i figured the whole ordeal was over. I was walking outside right in front of several of the dudes from dogs of ire when i heard yelling. i turned around to see about 20 of these trash metal dorks seig heiling the guys in dogs of ire and i heard multiple people yelling "gooks". Keep in mind, the dudes from dogs of ire are asian americans so it was obvious what was going on. Needless to stay, a scuffle broke out between us and them but it was broken up fairly quick. Then these guys were yelling about how we were all "PC nazi's" and continued to seig heil and yell "gook" and "faggots". Seeing as there was 10 or so of us total, and about 30- 40 of them we just all packed up and left after that. It turns out that some of the guys in the group that were instigating all this shit were members of the band Annihilation Time.

I just wanted to write about this a.) out of frustration that this kind of shit still happens at punk rock shows. b.) that it is tolerated. c.) to let everyone know, who they are supporting when they support Annhilation Time.

I am just waking up so if any of this is incoherent or misspelled i apologize. I will probably go through this later and add more but i just wanted to let my friends know about what was going on. Thanks for reading.

=============================

I am not down for this. People say that racism barely exists in the scene, but from being a booker and having friends in bands with people of color in them, I know that closet racism and overt racism are very much real and alive in the scene. It bums me out, but does not surprise me that this happened in Oakland. I just hope that this incident opens people's eyes to the reality that the scene is not as un-racist as people believe it to be. Sure, some people may say that my comments and the story above are "PC" and I'm taking a joke the wrong way, but when you experience racism outside the scene and have to tolerate this 'joking' racism just because you are from a different country or have different color skin, then I don't stand for that. I am sorry if you feel offended by what I have to say, but I do not tolerate that kind of shit. Calling people gooks and faggots because they are talking about issues that are actually important and not about your own problems and partying does not mean that you are cool and that it is ok to say these things. It sucks. Most 'all-white' bands don't have to deal with half the shit that people of color have to deal with in this scene SOMETIMES. I am really upset about this. It pisses me off. I'm not the most "PC" person in this world, but this just makes me really angry to see that this happened to friends of a friend. Makes me think what would happen if I booked a similar show. But, now I realize why I am in booking and why I promote the shows that I do promote. Fuck racist scumbags. I'm not down with this at all. It's embarrassing how our scene is being represented. I like the Bay Area scene a lot. It's just sad to see that ignorant assholes still do stupid shit like that.

It's nice...

...To be happy again. Everything went well today. First day of my Human Sexuality class and one of our fieldtrips will be to Good Vibrations! Sweet shit!

I got new ink today while I was waiting for a homie to bring by my posters that I left in his car. It took him forever to get here! Anyway, my new tattoo is hella sick. It was done by Chris. He's hella chill and I highly recommend going to him. He works at Industrial and some other place in Castro Valley. Anyway, I got Man Is The Bastard skulls on my back. I love them, but I'm going to feel retarded at the Bastard Noise show. Oh well.

Is this what it's like?

Is this what it's like when your whole heart and mind hate your body and its desires? Is this what it's like to be consumed with something so against everything you ever believed? Most of my morals from my youth have been thrown out the window. I have nothing left to hold onto.

My dreams are filled with ghastly images and fantasies that mirror this reality. They feel horrible. It's awful not to be able to escape reality even in your dreams. My dreams show me what I've done. They show me how I am now. They show me everything that I hate about myself.

Guilt is a detestable feeling. I feel guilty about various things that I have done in my past. Guilt mirrors regret and I think I've learned to regret.

Damn.

Life got weird.

I woke up yesterday. I had little sleep. I went to work. I read my book. I watched TV. I drank. I texted. I called. I watched movies. Rode in the early morning down the highway.

My dream came true. I don't mean like my goal-dream. I mean my actual dream from when I was sleeping came true.

Fucking crazy.

Stop Staring...

...At My Tits!

Or if you are gonna stare, don't be so obvious.

It's only ok to do that (be obvious) if you are one of the following:

-Future boyfriend/lover (I actually have an obvious interest in you)
-Current boyfriend/lover
-Past boyfriend/lover (has to have ended on good terms.)


Ok?????

2am

I just got back from Ramen. Shit was not worth paying $7. Luckily, I have connections and don't have to pay to get in. (Un)lucky me. Anyway, the Mentors played tonight. I think I'm over shock rock. I was hella down to see them because of all the videos I've seen before when El Duce was still alive, but watching them now was just depressing and really fucked up. I was disgusted at all their songs. I think it's different to joke about rape every so often then to hear song after song about rape. It made me sick. What made me sicker was this girl that I met took off her clothes on stage and the band made fun of the way she looked. Fucked up. I'm not down for that shit. I'm glad I didn't pay.

There was hella drama tonight. Way too much for me to handle. I hate the way shit happens that way. Drunkness does not bring out the best in people.

Speaking of drunkness, everyone got drunk except me. I didn't. Luckily, I know how to drive and drove Cassondra and me home in Marinda's car after stopping by a taco truck in the middle of the night in Richmond. Cassondra and Marinda were freaking everyone out at the taco truck. It was hilarious. I've never seen anyone so scared of a bloody finger before in my life. But, then again Marinda was asking if she had finger fucked a girl on her period that night and was wondering if that's why her finger was bloody. Creeps some people out. Not me.

Anyway, I guess I should sleep. Cassondra is passed out in my bed and I'm listening to powerviolence.

Loves,
Alejandra

Spazz - Sweatin' to the Oldies

Spazz was an influential American power violence band active between 1992 and 2000. The trio released numerous records within this time, many of which are now highly collectible due to their relative rarity. The band's releases often showcased their unusual sense of humour: absurdly long and nonsensical song titles, audio samples from b-movies and kung fu films between songs and the occasional use of hip hop beats as well as saxophones, banjos and other instruments rarely associated within hardcore punk. All three of the members shared vocal duties, usually changing in sequence from line to line.

I'm lame. I got the above from Wikipedia!

'Sweatin' to the Oldies' by Spazz is one of my favorite CDs. Unfortunately, this is in mp4 format which sucks. Anyway, this CD is badass. Spazz is one of the best powerviolence bands there ever was. I listen to them a lot. They rule. Buy the CD if you can. If you can't just download it, foo!

Download Here

Loves,
Alejandra

Not good enough...

It's not good enough to be this way.
I'm not good enough for most people.
I'm not a random fuck.
I refuse to be that.
But, I'm not good enough for anything more.
I'm not good enough for half the world.
I'm not a good enough daughter to my family.
I think I'm failing in life.
Family life that is.
I love them all.
They sorta love me.
I hate myself for what I've become.
But, then again, I am me and I love myself for being me.
Contradictions.

I should go back to the hole that I crawled out from to become reborn into someone stronger, beautiful, and more intelligent. I wish I was this way. Oh well. 'God' gave me the short end of the stick.

On another note, I've been listening to a bunch of PowerViolence and Grind. It is most important that everyone listen to the following seeing as how I have been listening to these bands non-stop:

1. Man is the Bastard (as always and forever)
2. Cripple Bastards
3. Discordance Axis
4. Uzi Suicide
5. Unholy Grave (as always and forever)
6. Spazz
7. Excruciating Terror
   
8. And many more....

You should listen to those basic ones. They are amazing. I'm buying a million fucking records soon. It will be amazing.

They are:

ECONOCHRIST - Another Victim 7"
ECONOCHRIST - Skewed 7"
ICONOCLAST - the first 7"
50/50 - s/t 7"
AGENTS OF SATAN - 7" (10 songs)
ARTIMUS PYLE - Fortress 7"
BLOODY PHOENIX - War, Hate & Misery LP
BRUTAL DEATH - 7"
CONGA FURY/GEORGE HARRISON - split 7"
DESOLATION - Demos 7"
DOUBLE NEGATIVE - Raw Energy 7"
ENDLESS DEMISE/SLAUGHTER OF THE INNOCENTS - split 7"
EXCRUCIATING TERROR - live at Gilman 7"
GODSTOMPER -7" (9 songs)
GODSTOMPER/BARBARIAN LORD - split 7"
GRIMPLE - Grimple 7"
HATRED SURGE/THE ENDLESS BLOCKADE - split LP
RON LUNG - Demonstrations... 7"
IRON LUNG - Life. Iron Lung. Death. LP
KYLESA - Kylesa LP
LIMP WRIST - Want Us Dead 7"
LOCUST/MELT BANANA - split 7"
MELT BANANA - 666 6"
NOISEAR/MAGNICIDE - split 7"
PHOBIA - Grind Your Fucking Head In LP
POISON IDEA - Latest Will And Testament LP
SCHOLASTIC DETH - Revenge... 7"
SCHOLASTIC DETH - Revolution... 7"
SPAZZ/LACK OF INTEREST - split 7"
SPAZZ/BRUTAL TRUTH - split 7"
SUPERBAD - s/t 7"
TOTAL ABUSE - s/t LP
TOTAL FURY - Committed To The Core 10"
UNHOLY GRAVE - Raw Slaughter 7"
UNHOLY GRAVE - Unholy Bastards 7"
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? - 1st 7"
DECIDE ON CHANGE - comp LP
EL GUAPO - comp LP
REALITY #1 - comp 7"
REALITY #2 - comp LP


As you can tell... I'm a 7" whore. I love 7" the most.

I hate people...

Everyday I fester and brood on how much people disgust me. I can only handle my core group of friends. They are the only ones that I can look at and not feel an ounce of disgust for.

It's not that people are bad and it's not that I don't like my friends. It's just that most everyone I meet has some annoying quality I despise. It's not their fault. It just bugs me. I hate that it bugs me.

I'm purely anti-social. I don't talk to people. I can't talk to people unless I know them, feel comfortable in my environment, or am intoxicated. It's really bad. I just don't understand why. I've become severely anti-social in the past... well, day. I've been out more times this last week than I every have in my life. I feel awkward in situations that I shouldn't feel awkward in. I want so bad not to look at the negative side of everything and hate people. I want so bad not to be quiet. I want so bad to get to know people so that I don't judge them on superficial levels.

But...

People disgust me and I sorta hate them.

*Most likely if you've read this and I know you, I probably don't hate you. I just mean with a lot of people I meet. Eh... This is going to be hard to explain to those who read it and think I hate them when in all actuality I think they are badass. Oh well. I guess I shouldn't have generalized.

It's unfortunate, but somewhat cool...

...that I just dropped hella money on records this week.

New ones are:

• La Grita "Nuestra Hambre" 7" -- AMAZING (free) Clear
• ADT LP -- AMAZING (free).
• Total Fury "Ears Go Deaf" LP --Special Tour edition. Limited press to 500.
• Broken Needle "Consume" Lp
• Dropdead LP -- Limited self-titled record. 257 pressed. Clear
• EyeHateGod "Dope Sick" LP -- AMAZING
• Godstomper/Gorgonized Dorks 10" -- PINK VINYL!!!!!
• Severed Head of State "Power Hazard ep" -- Cool shit!
• Capitalist Casualties/Hellnation split LP -- FAVORITE!!!!
  

Yeah... I think that's a lot.

I love them either way.

I Think...

I think I've become someone I've always hated.

I've always hated people who didn't care enough about the current state of the world to actually move forward and do some actions to help make the world a better place no matter how futile the actions may appear to be. I've become the girl who is all talk and no action. I've become apolitical in my actions. I haven't even continued my reading in political theory! I do, however, continue to read current events books and such. But, that isn't saying much considering how I was in the past.

Speaking of books, I'm not reading as much anymore. This is what I hate most about myself. I hate that I cannot sit still and read for hours and hours as I have in the past. This is the most upsetting part of myself. I loved to read and now I fidget constantly when I sit to read or I read crappy memoirs of narcissistic writers who have horrible lives. I hate myself for that.

Those may seem to be two minor things, but they hurt me deeply. I hate myself for becoming this new person. I prided myself on having these two qualities that were rare in someone as young as 11-years old. I will force myself to become this person again. I love reading. There is nothing greater than to read for hours and hours by yourself and thinking of nothing but the story. I won't hate myself for these reason anymore. I will read again. I will be political again. There are other things to hate about myself that are less important and more trivial.

=(

I kinda hate myself for putting myself into situations that bring back good memories that I feel nostalgic and somewhat embarrassed by. This is how I felt today. Sucks. I don't think I hate those places as much as I hate myself for letting the past still control my present.

At least I am looking toward the future.

So, I need to get some nerve and step out of my shell when I am around real people. Behind the screen of my computer and cellphone, I am able to say and do whatever I want. I have no fear. The minute I step into the real world, I clam up and become wary and uncomfortable with my surroundings. This is life for me. I find that the only way I can open up is if I am somewhat intoxicated or if I've known you for a while. It's worse when I like the person.

I feel bad about that too. I wanted to spend more time with this one guy before school started. Bummer that it starts tomorrow for him. Oh well.

Loves,
Alejandra

You Down?

Dear Blogger,

Life has been a roller coaster. I don't mean in a bad way, it's just that everything goes in extremes for me. I am extremely happy with everything that is going on, but one crappy occurrence or situation makes my stomach sick. I don't feel that way now. It's just an observation.

Am I weird? Or is this the reality for everyone? I'm sure I am not alone in this. I am so passionate about a lot of things that I invest myself too much in things. I put my heart and soul into whatever I care about. Same goes for close friends. I've only been fucked over a few times.

Speaking of friends, I found out, not too long ago, that one of my childhood friends prostituted herself for money and drugs. It's weird. She was the one that almost died of alcohol poisoning in the 6th grade. It's crazy. It bums me out hella, but her mom was the one that said I was fucked up. Look who got their shit together? It still bums me out though. I remember that she used to wish she was poor. She had a pool and hot tub.

I actually was poor when I met her. My family was borderline homeless. Without my aunt living in the US, we would have been on the streets. Eh... Happens. Anyway, this girl always said how poor she was and when I went shopping with her and her mom once, my mom let me have $40 to buy "back to school clothes." This girl bought hella clothes at Abecrombie and Norstrom's. She said that we should get matching belts. I was down. Except it cost $40. I had to ask her mom for a little bit of money. I bought it and had no money to buy anything else. I still have that stupid belt. This girl stopped using it after 3 months because it went out of fashion.

I have no idea why I brought that up. I think it just describes how I was in Elementary school. I was bullied and ditched. This girl was my best friend and ditched me for the girls that bullied me because they were more popular. Bummer.

Ok, so this just ended up being a rant. Oh well. What will it hurt?
2009 is our year!

Loves,
Alejandra
"The mouth is the asshole of the brain."
Or in this case, the fingers are the asshole of the brain.

Holy Shit!!!!

Yesterday night was fucking sick!!!!!!
Pictures up fairly soon!
Feliz Año Nuevo!!!!!

It's 'Año' not 'Ano.' Ano means anus.


Go to this show, foo!!!! Tomorrow!!! It's gonna be sick!