I Think...

I think I've become someone I've always hated.

I've always hated people who didn't care enough about the current state of the world to actually move forward and do some actions to help make the world a better place no matter how futile the actions may appear to be. I've become the girl who is all talk and no action. I've become apolitical in my actions. I haven't even continued my reading in political theory! I do, however, continue to read current events books and such. But, that isn't saying much considering how I was in the past.

Speaking of books, I'm not reading as much anymore. This is what I hate most about myself. I hate that I cannot sit still and read for hours and hours as I have in the past. This is the most upsetting part of myself. I loved to read and now I fidget constantly when I sit to read or I read crappy memoirs of narcissistic writers who have horrible lives. I hate myself for that.

Those may seem to be two minor things, but they hurt me deeply. I hate myself for becoming this new person. I prided myself on having these two qualities that were rare in someone as young as 11-years old. I will force myself to become this person again. I love reading. There is nothing greater than to read for hours and hours by yourself and thinking of nothing but the story. I won't hate myself for these reason anymore. I will read again. I will be political again. There are other things to hate about myself that are less important and more trivial.