Is this what it's like when your whole heart and mind hate your body and its desires? Is this what it's like to be consumed with something so against everything you ever believed? Most of my morals from my youth have been thrown out the window. I have nothing left to hold onto.
My dreams are filled with ghastly images and fantasies that mirror this reality. They feel horrible. It's awful not to be able to escape reality even in your dreams. My dreams show me what I've done. They show me how I am now. They show me everything that I hate about myself.
Guilt is a detestable feeling. I feel guilty about various things that I have done in my past. Guilt mirrors regret and I think I've learned to regret.
Damn.
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